sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
