Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
