Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
