why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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