We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
