My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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