Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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