maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
