you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
