did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
