So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
