Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
