You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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