I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
