I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
