I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
