its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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