I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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