38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
