Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
