it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
