I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
