my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am mentally ready for anal.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
