Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
