So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she looked like the before picture.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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