Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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