you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
