Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
