They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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