when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
