I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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