I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
