i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
