I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
