i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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