We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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