He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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