well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
