booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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