just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
