U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
