I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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