your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I could fuck to npr.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
