Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
