dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
