I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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