I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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