Me too!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Vodka?
Forever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
