after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
