If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
