We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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